Buy SteamPotVille Today!

It seems a correlation between page size, colors per page, interesting themes and a number of other factors have combined to create a children’s bedtime story reading experience factor of 137.4, the scientists, all of whom wear glasses with scotch tape holding them together at the bridge, announced.  The next best reading experience factor (REM) was 112.6, found in the German story “Der Neu Bundesverwaltungsamt”, which translates roughly into English as “That Pretty Puppy”.  Although the scientists would not reveal their methods in testing the various children’s books, they assured reporters that their methods were “really really scientific” and that they used “beakers and microscopes and stuff” at a rate of “pretty much every day”.

“In all of my years of doing science I’ve never been struck by a more striking finding, scientifically speaking.” Said chair of the research committee James Thickelmore (PhD, MFA, GBE, R.af E, TNT|), “We have proven hear, beyond any reasonable doubt, that in a competitive environment, SteamPotVille appears to be the best possible choice of children’s bedtime story.”

No study on this large of a scale has ever before been attempted in the area of children’s bedtime stories.  While smaller scale studies have been completed, primarily shrouded in secrecy and conducted behind the iron curtain, no study has yet been done as scientifically as this most recent attempt.

While further studies are planned into determining exactly what criteria one can judge what the “best” children’s story is, all scientists contacted replied that they were busy “doing science”, and then promptly returned to feeding small pills to mice or typing things authoritatively into computers, completely ignoring any further questions.

“I am very impressed by how scientific this study was, and by how thoroughly all of my doubts about whether or not you can quantify the best children’s story in a scientific way” said local man on the street, Bud Nelson “All of the information I’ve been seeing, including about how much funding they had and how many of the researchers are bald, grizzled old men, leads me to believe the utmost scientific care was taken.  I’m off to buy SteamPotVille right now!  Of all the stories to tell children, SteamPotVille seems to be the most scientifically sound.”

Interviewer: Thank you…ahem…thank you ALL for taking the time to speak with me.

A few squirrels who briefly focus their attention on me, before returning their attention to banging away on sets and furiously rehearsing lines: Sure!

Interviewer: …Right.  Great.  So, I have prepared a number of questions for everyone here regarding Steve Ouch’s new Children’s Story, SteamPotVille.

A squirrel at the back of the crowd: The what?

Squirrel closer to the front: SteamPotVille!

At the back: What’s that?

Interviewer: “SteamPotVille is a children’s story in which you all feature quite promi-“

Closer to the front: “It’s a children’s bedtime story!”

Interviewer: Yes, quite right!  That’s an interesting point.  What about SteamPotVille makes you feel it is a children’s bedtime story?”

Squirrel at my knee: Well, there are pictures and…it’s for children…and…uh…

Squirrel off to my left: Right, Right!  And you would read it to children!  Before bed!

Interviewer: Are there any specific aspects of SteamPotVille that you think would make the story especially appropriate as a bedtime story?

Timid voice near my foot: “Well, all stories are good bedtime stories right?”

Interviewer: Intriguing, why do you feel that way?

Timid voice: Well uh…beds are…uh…cozy.

Interviewer: Right, Right, and…

Timid Voice: I…uh…I like to read in bed.

Interviewer: Alright great perhaps if we could change the subject slightly we could…

But I’m afraid here I discovered I had entirely lost the attention of Los Banditos Squirreleys.  This was perhaps one of my less effective interviews, but after deeper analysis I have noticed that the squirrels did make one point which holds quite a bit of value.  The open nature of the text, and whimsical style of the art does make SteamPotVille an excellent bedtime story for children, and once which merits reading and rereading.  I will attempt to be more thorough in my next interview, but at least there is one relevant point we can all take away from this discussions, that Los Banditos Squirreleys can all agree, SteamPotVille is a good option as a Children’s Bedtime Story.

“If you or your child likes the visual mystery of Where’s Waldo? and I Spy, then you may like SteamPotVille by Steve Ouch. Images are stacked on images are nestled in images, and it’s all for the sorting out to solve a mystery. Or is it all to find the many animals on each page? Or is it to go through the book again and make up your own story to go with the images you like best? It’s difficult to tell, and maybe it’s all. For readers who like visual feasts or readers whose story imaginations soar, they will delight in the many rich layers of characters and scenes.

Deep in a burrow a chipmunk robs a bank and a gopher digs for gold. But why are the ferret and dog interested? It’s an opportunity to ask each reader what they think is going on and to make up their own story. At the end of the book, author/illustrator Steve Ouch shows a gallery of all the animals used throughout. This is a wonderful device to take the child through the book again, matching up the animals. It will keep the youngster busy developing their visual detective skills.”

Interviewer: “Morie, Gathlyn, thank you so much for taking the time to speak with me today.”

Morie: “Hey, No Problem-o!  We’ve got nothing else to do all day!”

Gathlyn: “Quite, Morie!”

Morie: “I’m just saying is all that-…”

Gathlyn: “Quite!”

Morie: “…”

Interviewer: “Er…great.  Thanks.  Okay.  Well, I’ll try to keep this brief.  So, you two feature prominently in Steve Ouch’s new children’s story, SteamPotVille.  How do you feel about how you were represented in the story?”

Gathlyn: “What?  We never appear in that children’s story!  You must be mistaken!”

Interviewer: “Really?  I’m quite sure I saw you two in it.  In fact, I think you are mentioned by name…”

Morie: “How did you know it was us?!  We were in disguise!”

Interviewer: “Well, you were wearing costumes, not exactly disguises.  Disguises cover your faces.  They have masks or false mustaches or any number of things.  You two were wearing costumes.”

Gathlyn: “…”

Interviewer: “Further, you two are wearing those exact same costumes right now.  I recognized you instantly.”

Morie: “…”

Interviewer: “You see, disguises are meant to hide your identity, costumes are more of a children’s activity.”

Gathlyn: “A children’s activity?”

Interviewer: Yes, you know, a children’s activity would be going trick-or-treating, or climbing trees, or building forts.  A children’s activity.”

At this the two dogs seems to have totally lost interest in me.  They are chasing each other’s tails, barking hysterically.

Interviewer: “You see?  Frolicking!  This is another example of a children’s activity!”

I’ve entirely lost the Bickles attention, and they are still chasing each other, barking.  They seem to have forgotten that I’m here.

Interviewer: “I’m sorry, I think I’ve gotten us off topic.  What were we talking about?”

Morie (slowly refocusing on me): “Um, Children’s activities?”

Gathlyn: “Morie, you fool!  We were discussing pickles!”

Interviewer: “Well… I think we in fact were discussing children’s activities, but we can change the topic to pickles if you’d like.  You two run the Bickles Pickle Factory in SteamPotVille, do you not?”

Morie: “Yeah, we do, it’s-“

Gathlyn: “We are not going to talk about that!  We are going to talk about Children’s activities!”

Interviewer: “Well, okay.  That’s fine.  What do you two have to say on the subject?”

Morie: “…”

Gathlyn: “…”

Interviewer: “Right, okay, so…”

At this the dogs begin chasing each other’s tails once again.  I am forgotten.

Interviewer: “It’s my understanding that there are a number of children’s activities associated with the book, SteamPotVille.  There are I Spy games stuck right in the book, mini-adventures, tricks of the eye and mind.  Do you two have anything to add on that subject?”

The dogs are still chasing each other’s tails.  Neither of them looks my way.  Morie barks once.

Interviewer: “Well, you two own the Bickles Pickle Factory, and I understand at the moment pickles serve as the active currency of SteamPotVille.  Does being in charge of their production give you any great power?”

Neither dog looks my way, they are still locked in a mad frolic.

Interviewer: “Okay, well…thank you so much for your time.  I understand you are both very busy.”

I feel it’s my duty to point out that there are a variety of children’s activities associated with SteamPotVille, and the discerning reader can find them here.  They seem perfect for use both in the home and in the classroom.  Further, despite their protestations, both Morie and Gathlyn do appear quite prominently in SteamPotVille by Steve Ouch.  I hope to have the opportunity to interview the Bickles again soon, perhaps in an environment where there are not so many…distractions.  The reader may also find quite effective definitions of the terms disguise and costume here, which I believe thoroughly validate my point.

Buy SteamPotVille and Learn Even More about The Bickles!

Interviewer: Good afternoon, Mayor Earl.  Thank you so much for taking time out of your busy schedule to speak with me.  I see you have quite a bit on your plate.  I’ve noticed you are offering a lecture on story writing for kids?  Would you care to expand on that at all?”

Mayor Earl Gray: “My pleasure, young sir!  I do believe it is the primary job of a Mayor to provide for the intellectual betterment of his community, what?  That and giving speeches.  I do rather enjoy giving speeches.  The lectures on story writing for kids seemed like just the ticket!”

Interviewer: “Very interesting, Mayor.  What sort of expertise do you have on kids writing books, that you can offer these sort of lectures?”

Mayor Earl Gray: “That was a very perceptive question!  What sort of experience, yes, yes indeed!  Well, I should say, I was a child once!  Yes!  I bet you don’t believe that but ohh yess, even ol’ Mayor Earl was once a young shaver like yourself, sir!”

At this Mayor Earl winks and elbows me jovially.  I was not, to this point, aware that peacocks had elbows and, immediately after he withdraws his wing, it seems impossible that there is an elbow in anywhere.

Mayor Earl Gray: “And, at that, I have been the star, shall we say star?  Yes, certainly.  Hero.  Protagonist.  Mayor, if you will.  Of a Children’s story myself, don’t you know?  I believe that gives me…ahem…some knowledge on the subject indeed.”

Interviewer: “You are referring to Steve Ouch’s Children’s story, SteamPotVille?”

Mayor Earl Gray: “I am at that, sir!  Quite an insight, indeed!  But yes, I feel this does indeed qualify me as something of an..er…of an expert in the field, if you will!”

Interviewer: “I wouldn’t argue with your assertion, Mayor.  So what advice do you offer in your lecture on story writing for kids?”

Mayor Earl Gray: “Perseverance, my dear boy.  A good writer must have perseverance!  Overcoming obstacles, mental blocks, everything!  This is what it takes to write!”

Interviewer: “Very interesting, Mayor.  And how do these lectures go?”

Mayor Earl Gray: “They go quite well, if I do say!  I have been toying with any number of different lecture techniques.  Of late, I have just spent the entire lecture hiding in the audience!”

Interviewer: “I’m sorry?  Hiding in the audience?  How does this teach the children how to write a story?”

Mayor Earl Gray: “Ah, a good question indeed!  Yes!  That is what one would wonder!  After an hour, I stand up and announce to the children who are still left that they have the perseverance needed to write!  Don’t you see?  If they are willing to sit through an hour of blank silence staring at an empty podium, then those children have what it takes to write!”

Interviewer: “That’s a very interesting idea.  Is that the entire lecture?

Mayor Earl Gray: “No sir!  After that, I pass out candy to the entire crowd!  Perseverance and candy, sir, that is the trick!  Now, if you will excuse me my boy, I must prepare for my next lecture!”

And at that Mayor Earl Gray left his office, leaving me sitting alone.  As the interviewer, I would like to humbly point out the level of perseverance I have showed through these interviews so far, and ask for the readers patience with me as I continue to attempt to get a full interview with a resident of SteamPotVille.

Buy SteamPotVille and Learn Even More about Mayor Earl Gray

Interviewer: “Morie, Gathlyn, thank you so much for taking the time to speak with me today.”

Morie: “Hey, No Problem-o!  We’ve got nothing else to do all day!”

Gathlyn: “Quite, Morie!”

Morie: “I’m just saying is all that-…”

Gathlyn: “Quite!”

Morie: “…”

Interviewer: “Er…great.  Thanks.  Okay.  Well, I’ll try to keep this brief.  So, you two feature prominently in Steve Ouch’s new children’s story, SteamPotVille.  How do you feel about how you were represented in the story?”

Gathlyn: “What?  We never appear in that children’s story!  You must be mistaken!”

Interviewer: “Really?  I’m quite sure I saw you two in it.  In fact, I think you are mentioned by name…”

Morie: “How did you know it was us?!  We were in disguise!”

Interviewer: “Well, you were wearing costumes, not exactly disguises.  Disguises cover your faces.  They have masks or false mustaches or any number of things.  You two were wearing costumes.”

Gathlyn: “…”

Interviewer: “Further, you two are wearing those exact same costumes right now.  I recognized you instantly.”

Morie: “…”

Interviewer: “You see, disguises are meant to hide your identity, costumes are more of a children’s activity.”

Gathlyn: “A children’s activity?”

Interviewer: Yes, you know, a children’s activity would be going trick-or-treating, or climbing trees, or building forts.  A children’s activity.”

At this the two dogs seems to have totally lost interest in me.  They are chasing each other’s tails, barking hysterically.

Interviewer: “You see?  Frolicking!  This is another example of a children’s activity!”

I’ve entirely lost the Bickles attention, and they are still chasing each other, barking.  They seem to have forgotten that I’m here.

Interviewer: “I’m sorry, I think I’ve gotten us off topic.  What were we talking about?”

Morie (slowly refocusing on me): “Um, Children’s activities?”

Gathlyn: “Morie, you fool!  We were discussing pickles!”

Interviewer: “Well… I think we in fact were discussing children’s activities, but we can change the topic to pickles if you’d like.  You two run the Bickles Pickle Factory in SteamPotVille, do you not?”

Morie: “Yeah, we do, it’s-“

Gathlyn: “We are not going to talk about that!  We are going to talk about Children’s activities!”

Interviewer: “Well, okay.  That’s fine.  What do you two have to say on the subject?”

Morie: “…”

Gathlyn: “…”

Interviewer: “Right, okay, so…”

At this the dogs begin chasing each other’s tails once again.  I am forgotten.

Interviewer: “It’s my understanding that there are a number of children’s activities associated with the book, SteamPotVille.  There are I Spy games stuck right in the book, mini-adventures, tricks of the eye and mind.  Do you two have anything to add on that subject?”

The dogs are still chasing each other’s tails.  Neither of them looks my way.  Morie barks once.

Interviewer: “Well, you two own the Bickles Pickle Factory, and I understand at the moment pickles serve as the active currency of SteamPotVille.  Does being in charge of their production give you any great power?”

Neither dog looks my way, they are still locked in a mad frolic.

Interviewer: “Okay, well…thank you so much for your time.  I understand you are both very busy.”

I feel it’s my duty to point out that there are a variety of children’s activities associated with SteamPotVille, and the discerning reader can find them here.  They seem perfect for use both in the home and in the classroom.  Further, despite their protestations, both Morie and Gathlyn do appear quite prominently in SteamPotVille by Steve Ouch.  I hope to have the opportunity to interview the Bickles again soon, perhaps in an environment where there are not so many…distractions.  The reader may also find quite effective definitions of the terms disguise and costume here, which I believe thoroughly validate my point.

Buy SteamPotVille and Learn Even More about The Bickles!

It took a few seconds for my eyes to adjust to the darkness of Los Baditos Squirreleys’ theater, the Great Hall of Dirt Hall.    As they did it became clear my request for an interview had been taken very seriously, dozens and dozens of the rodents surrounded me, filling every corner of the place.  Most were staring up at me attentively, but around the edges there was the steady buzz of a theater troupe in full, if not perfectly organized, rehearsal.  I caught snatches of Shakespeare, Euripides, Amiri Baraka and Shaw,  all fighting for dominance over the clicking and clattering of sets being constructed and torn down with endless excitement.  I couldn’t find any sort of leader in the crowd, so instead I decided to address my questions to the assembly as a whole, with interesting results.

Interviewer: “Thank you so much for taking the time to meet with me…”

A voice somewhere from the back of the crowd: “What?!  Speak up!”

Interviewer: “Oh, Sorry.  THANK YOU SO MUCH FO-…”

A squirrel dressed as a miner: “Quiet Down!”

Interviewer: “Um…okay, sorry.  So, you all were featured quite prominently in Steve Ouch’s new book, SteamPotVille.  How did you feel about the portrayal in…”

A voice at my knee: “What book?”

Off to my left: “SteamPotVille!  You remember!”

My knee: “Oh yeah, great!  We loved it, right guys?”

Scattered voices: “Yeah!  It was great!  I read it a dozen times!  Awesome!”

Interviewer: “Oh, great.  Glad to hear it…uh…everybody.  Well, a number of people have been comparing SteamPotVille with the I Spy books, by Jean Marzollo and Walter Wick.  How do you feel about this comparison?”

Squirrel in a cowboy hat, on my left: “The what books?”

Voice somewhere to the right; “I Spy!”

Cowboy Hat: “You spy what?!”

A Squirrel dressed in a bear costume: “No, The books, I spy!”

Miner: “I spy, with my little eye, a bee!”

Interviewer: “I just want to know what you think of a comparison between-…”

Voice by my knee: “Oh, you mean like an I Spy Bag?”

Squirrel dressed as a scuba diver: “A what?”

My Knee: “An I Spy Bag!  My mom bought me one for Christmas.  It’s like… a bag.  That you spy things in!  An I Spy Bag!”

Interviewer: “I’m sorry, I’m afraid I don’t follow…”

Miner: “I spy, with my little eye, a Worm!”

Squirrel on a platform in the corner: “An I Spy Bag is a little bag that has all kinds of things to spy on in it.”

Miner: “Like James Bond?”

On Platform: “No, No.  Not a bag with spies in it.  An I Spy Bag is a bag you spy into!”

Squirrel dressed as a baby: “Oh, I want an I Spy Bag!”

Interviewer: “Listen, if we could just change the subject…”

Cowboy Hat: “Yeah, I want an I Spy Bag too!”

Voice to my right: “Yeah, we should all get I Spy Bags!”

Miner: “I thought Timothy Dalton was the best Pierce Brosnan, you know…”

Squirrel Dressed as a biker: “I saw an I Spy Bag once at the mall…”

At my Knee: “No way!  Sean Connery was the best James Bond!”

Baby: “Can we make our own I Spy Bags?”

Interviewer: “If we could just get back onto SteamPotVille for a second…

Scuba Diver: “I spy, with my little eye…”

From this point on, the interview devolved into utter chaos, and I snuck away without anyone noticing.  Perhaps trying to interview the entirety of Los Baditos Squirrelys at once was not a good idea, and I apologize to the reader for the Squirrels unwillingness to stick to the questions.  If the reader would like to discover more about the I Spy Bag or about James Bond, I recommend they do so on their own time.  Hopefully the next interview with Los Baditos Squirreleys will allow me to focus more on SteamPotVille.

Buy SteamPotVille and meet Los Baditos Squirreleys

It really was a once in a lifetime opportunity.  I was fortunate enough to be invited into the World of SteamPotVille for a few quick interviews with some of it’s most famous residents, following the publication of Steve Ouch’s expose and children’s story, “SteamPotVille”.  And who could I possibly want to talk to first except the towns most famous, prodigious and Mayoral resident, Mayor Earl Gray.  I got a chance to sit down with Mayor Earl Gray for a quick interview to kick off my research, and I was not disappointed.

Interviewer: “Mayor Earl Gray, it’s an honor”

MEG: “Sbbbbrrrt” began the mayor, stretching out his long peacock neck and letting out a loud, thin grunt, the noise of the longest neck I have ever heard being cleared.  “Please, Young sir, call me Mearl.”

Interviewer: “Mearl?  I have here in my notes that your first name is Earl, not Mearl… I’m terribly sorry…”

MEG: “My dear boy!” Mayor Earl Gray says with a laugh and another long, thin clearing of his throat “”Mmmmmmearl is just a shortening of Mayor Earl.  Don’t you see?  M-Earl.  Mearl!  It’s really rather good, wouldn’t you say?” Earl Grey puckers his beak into a smile, the dark circles of his bird eyes bright.

Interviewer: “ I do, that is good.  Okay, er, Mearl, Well, thank you very much for speaking with me…”

MEG: “An honor, my dear child!  A pleasure!  I’m afraid I’m in a bit of a hurry these days, what with my Mayoral duties and the… well, what with my Mayoral Duties” Mayor Earl Gray, Mearl, worbles contentedly.

Interviewer: “I’ll try to keep it brief.  I really came here today to talk to you about the new children’s story, SteamPotVille by Steve Ouch.  You and your town feature quite prominently throughout the story, what do you think of it?”

MEG: “A Children’s story?  A children’s story, sir?  No such thing!  An exploration, perhaps, a road map, an exploration!  A children’s story?  Never.  Perhaps a…a…”
Interviewer:“Children’s book?”

MEG: “That’s the ticket!  A children’s book.  Yes, yes, that’s the one.”

Interviewer: “So you would say you like it?”

MEG: “Undoubtedly!  Invariably!  Indubitably!  Insatiably, sir, Insatiably!”

Interviewer: “That’s quite some praise, your honor.  What aspect of the Children’s story…er…journey…er…whatever, do you feel you most liked?”

MEG: “Welly Welly Well…” the Mayor clears his gargantuan throat one more time, “I rather liked it when I was pictured, do you know?  All publicity is good publicity,, and good publicity is great publicity!  I may have run  unopposed for mayor here for some twenty-five years now but one can never go wrong with a bit of old publicity!”

Interviewer: “Well thank you very much for your time, Mr. Mayor.  I’m sure you must be very busy.”

MEG: “Not a bit of it, not a bit of it!  Anytime you wish!”  And with this, the Mayor wanders off contentedly.

And this is just my first meeting with a resident of SteamPotVille.  I can’t wait to see what else this place has in store for me.

Buy SteamPotVille and meet Earl Gray