A recent study done by a number of prominent and trained scientists has indicated that SteamPotVille, the most recent children’s story by Seattle area artist and illustrator Steve Ouch is, in fact, the perfect bedtime story to read to children who are (at the time of reading) in bed. These scientists, all of whom own lab coats and have fancy degrees from universities you have heard of, recently released their findings that SteamPotVille is perfectly calibrated to provide the perfect children’s bedtime story experience.
It seems a correlation between page size, colors per page, interesting themes and a number of other factors have combined to create a children’s bedtime story reading experience factor of 137.4, the scientists, all of whom wear glasses with scotch tape holding them together at the bridge, announced. The next best reading experience factor (REM) was 112.6, found in the German story “Der Neu Bundesverwaltungsamt”, which translates roughly into English as “That Pretty Puppy”. Although the scientists would not reveal their methods in testing the various children’s books, they assured reporters that their methods were “really really scientific” and that they used “beakers and microscopes and stuff” at a rate of “pretty much every day”.
“In all of my years of doing science I’ve never been struck by a more striking finding, scientifically speaking.” Said chair of the research committee James Thickelmore (PhD, MFA, GBE, R.af E, TNT|), “We have proven hear, beyond any reasonable doubt, that in a competitive environment, SteamPotVille appears to be the best possible choice of children’s bedtime story.”
No study on this large of a scale has ever before been attempted in the area of children’s bedtime stories. While smaller scale studies have been completed, primarily shrouded in secrecy and conducted behind the iron curtain, no study has yet been done as scientifically as this most recent attempt.
While further studies are planned into determining exactly what criteria one can judge what the “best” children’s story is, all scientists contacted replied that they were busy “doing science”, and then promptly returned to feeding small pills to mice or typing things authoritatively into computers, completely ignoring any further questions.
“I am very impressed by how scientific this study was, and by how thoroughly all of my doubts about whether or not you can quantify the best children’s story in a scientific way” said local man on the street, Bud Nelson “All of the information I’ve been seeing, including about how much funding they had and how many of the researchers are bald, grizzled old men, leads me to believe the utmost scientific care was taken. I’m off to buy SteamPotVille right now! Of all the stories to tell children, SteamPotVille seems to be the most scientifically sound.”